When Your Boss Has a Cactus Firmly Lodged Up Their Anus

I can only imagine what it must feel like to have a cactus rammed up your ass. That’s quite literally the worst kind of sodomy. My boss seems to have this issue. I thought that maybe she was a little uptight. Naturally there was the thought that her moods were (dare I say) “hormonal”. After ruling out these options, I have come to the conclusion that she indeed, has a rather large cactus violating her colon. 

What does one do when their boss has a cactus up the bum? Well, we have a few options: 

1. Eat your feelings. Not only is food tasty, but it’s great for making you feel better about your horrible boss. For vanity sake, maybe don’t do this. In fact, see my blog about eating healthy and exercise! 

2. Drink your feelings. This one is MUCH farther up my alley. Alcohol is known to decrease stress with minimal side effects (within moderation, of course. Don’t drink and drive, kids!) The hard part is getting away with drinking at work. Sometimes this is frowned upon. 

3. Laugh it off. I HIGHLY recommend this method. Not only will laughing increase your own personal happiness, but who doesn’t like to rejoice in the misery of others? My boss is clearly unhappy in her life (if I had something stuck up there all the time, I’d be unhappy too). If she were a happier person, she would have learned by now that there is a certain way to talk to people. There is a method to giving instruction that doesn’t humiliate, degrade or upset the person you are talking to. 

4. Give them the finger. You might also want to consider looking for a new job after this step. If you don’t want to look for a new job, try another method. But if you DO use this technique, I can guarantee that you will feel better. 

5. Be a grown-up. I like to save this one as a last resort. Talking calmly to someone about how their actions affect you? How bourgeois. But it will save you from getting fat, becoming an alcoholic, being an asshole and getting fired. 

Everyone has, or has had a boss that makes them feel 2 feet tall. They are never easy to deal with, but there are ways around it. And if you haven’t found a solution here, I wish you the best of luck. 

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